1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
a search helicopter?!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
