If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
