Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We are two peas in an std pod
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
