"it" just moved
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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