Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Randomize
