Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
These tits shall not be calmed
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
