yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
