this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
