when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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