And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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