I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
