He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
