so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
