New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
