Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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