You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
