When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
