he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
