Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
