the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I need to stop coming to work sober
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
