It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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