Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Is it penis luge time yet?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
