jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
