Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
