That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
