Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
