Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
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I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
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Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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