its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize