you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
