shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
