Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
