he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
