So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
