My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
