I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
