they need to just BURY HIM!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
