capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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