I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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