I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
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I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
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I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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