Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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