you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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