Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize