Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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