Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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