Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
