stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
