You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
