You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
