the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
