I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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