blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
