yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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