Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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