Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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