Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
