1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Its about making memories worth repressing
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize