I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
