If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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