i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
