Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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