it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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