hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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