I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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