My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
