So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
