OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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