If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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