Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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