just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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