i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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