but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
