I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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