no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
