Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
